Happy Memorial Day! Welcome to the Phile, kids. How are you? Let's start off with a story about how Germany just completed a website to instruct you on how to bang their locals. Really. Germany spent $136,000 on a sex-education website specifically targeted to foreigners. The message is clear... Germans want sex partners with skills, so don't even try to get off until after you've logged on.
Of course, EVERYONE wants a sex partner with skills, so what gives, Germany? According to UPI, the German Federal Center for Health Education created the website specifically to help the large Middle Eastern immigrant population making their way into Germany. Compared to those just arriving, Germans are very open (ahem) sexually, and the government wants to make sure they are fitting in (cough cough). To ensure everyone gets a clear picture of what is and isn't cool to do while sex-making, they have created a very descriptive website full of illustrations and descriptions of sex acts, with topics like "the body and sex," "virginity," and "sexual problems and fears." There are some really hot tips on there, for example this note to first timers, "Make sure that no one can disturb you. They are then relaxed." Anyone else ready to do the nasty? They also make sure to acknowledge that good sex is no one specific thing, "There are no rules to define what is good sex and what is not. This varies from person to person... You must not do anything or love." Germans aren't known for their romantic nature, but let's just hope that one is a misfire in the translation. Here's some of their deep thoughts on porn, "Pornography is not the same as sex in reality. The following points are noticeable in pornographic material: People always slender body, large penises or large breasts (often these are technically processed). People want and at any time to have sex. People show no emotion. The reality is not so." Not exactly what you thought Germans would have to say about porn, right? The website doesn't shy away from the details, either. They explain almost every position, from missionary, to oral, to... While the site was intended for immigrants, it seems reasonable that anyone planning to visit Germany check the site out. Get on over there and bone up on that sex-ed.
Please note the frowny face to indicate bad boning.
Black rhinos are a critically endangered species, having lost 93% of its numbers since 1970, and reintroducing breeding rhinos to new areas is critical, and also requires dangling a one-ton armored mammal-tank by its impressively sturdy legs with a helicopter. Even when the guy leading World Wildlife Fund South Africa explains that "This is the kindest way we've yet discovered of moving a rhino from the field," you can't help imagining him saying "so please ignore how it looks." It makes total sense. It's a great, humane way to do it... especially since they drug them and blindfold them so that they don't get embarrassed at being ungracefully hogtied to a heavy-duty helicopter. I didn't believe it until I saw this picture...
Saving the environment, one rhino airlift at a time.
Here's a good story for Memorial Day... The dictionary weighs in on whether a hot dog is a sandwich. Their answer will infuriate you. It's a debate that has raged ever since mankind first put a tube of strange processed meat into a bun: Is a hot dog a sandwich? Although anyone who would use the phrase "hot dog sandwich" is obviously an alien trying to pass as human, semantically it makes sense. After all, what is a sandwich but a foodstuff comprised of unwieldy edibles placed into an easily-handled bread container for convenience? Doesn't that describe a hot dog? Or did your mind just get FUCKING BLOWN? Although many frankfurter fans would balk at the idea of their beloved tube steaks being classified with lesser sandwiches, a leading authority on words has come forward, out of the blue, to do just that. Behold this tweet from none other than the Merriam-Webster Dictionary...
SAY IT ISN'T SO. Merriam-Webster's tweet links to an article on sandwiches, which defines them as: 1) two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between 2) one slice of bread covered with food. Which seems to check out (but for the record, these dictionary people are probably communists). The article lists ten different types of sandwiches, although none of them are as controversial as the hot dog (even if the sloppy joe is a gray area). However, despite the lighthearted nature of M.W.'s post, the reaction on the Internet was immediate and combative. Despite the public outcry, it seems unlikely the Merriam, Webster, or any of their cronies will back down from their sausage high horse. From now on, you and everyone you live will have to live in a dystopian hellscape where hot dogs are sandwiches, cats chase dogs, and murder is legal. At least you can comfort yourself by grilling some sandwiches at a Memorial Day barbecue today. If you even want to anymore.
Hey, Harry Potter fans... J.K. Rowling recently confirmed to a Twitter fan that "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" will make you cry. The eighth book in her Harry Potter series will be released in July. The story, which is also being produced as a play, takes place 19 years after the ending of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." According to the play's website, the story focuses on an adult Harry Potter and his son Albus, who "must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places." It's common for Rowling to interact with fans on Twitter, and it's also common for her books to make people cry. How sad will the new book make you? Well, just hours before she responded to the fan, she was hanging out with the brilliant and tragically sad mind of the Beach Boys, Brian Wilson. Wilson triumphed through sadness and created the album "Pet Sounds." So it's safe to say fans should be able to make it through another wizard book. Harry Potter books will always include tragic moments that make fans cry, but it will be worth it in the end. Unless Harry Potter's death is the result of accidentally getting hit by a Knight Bus. That would suck.
Martin Shkreli, the Pharma Bro famous for upping the price of AIDS medication 5,000% and hoarding a Wu-Tang Clan album, has done the inevitable in his journey of douchebaggery: endorse Donald Trump. Not only did he endorse the GOP nominee, he offered that astute advice on what Trump should be looking for in a vice president. Twitter wondered if he was subtly throwing his hat into the ring, but he quickly denied it. The two do have a lot in common. They're both cynically opportunistic businessmen and braggadocios. While he loves The Donald, he did take a moment to criticize his catchphrase. America is already great, because Martin Shkreli's in it.
I mentioned Harry Potter's new book just now, well, there's another Potter book coming out...
That should be the title of my book. Speaking of books, I was at the book store recently and I found this book...
Isn't he the guy that wrote "Watership Down"? Hmmm. He likes to write books about rabbits, doesn't he? So, this year is the Phile's 10th anniversary as you know and I have been showing you now and then what people look like when they read the Phile. Like this couple...
What are they reading for their reaction to be like that? Haha. So, today is Memorial Day... let's remember the military and those that served...
Ummm... Moving on...
Moving on! This time of year a lot of kids are going to prom. I never went to prom as we don't have that tradition in England. But if I did, it wouldn't be like this...
This teenage boy who posed with the three girls pregnant with his children.
Yup, this happened.
If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know.
Memorial Day is a U.S. holiday honoring the military men and women no longer on a V.A. hospital waiting list.
Laura will be a guest on the Phile a week from today.
Today's guest is a talented singer originally from Sweden whose new single "Elusive Pleasure" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile, the gorgeous... Diana Ebe.
Me: Hello, Diana, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Diana: Good, thank you!
Me: You live in Los Angeles now, but you are originally from Stockholm, Sweden, am I right?
Diana: Yes, that’s right!
Me: How long ago did you move to the states, Diana?
Diana: I moved out here in fall of 2013. So this will be my third year here.
Me: What's the biggest difference between the two cities?
Diana: L.A. is much bigger than Stockholm and the weather is better. Sweden is too cold for me.
Me: Did you move over here because of the music business?
Diana: No. I moved here to get a break from my real estate studies at the university. I wanted to have fun and meet new people. The plan was only to stay a year and then go back to my studies. Half a year later, and over 30 songs written I decided that music is what I want to do.
Me: You know, Orlando, Florida is a lot better than L.A., right? Haha.
Diana: I’ve been in Florida many times, and one time in Orlando (for Disney, I loved it). I often visit Miami. I do like it.
Me: Cool. Where else in the states have you been?
Diana: I’ve also been in San Francisco, Las Vegas and New York.
Me: So, I am guessing you like the beach, am I right?
Diana: I do like the beach. But I never go…
Me: Okay, so, you have been singing since a young age, am I right? How old were you when you stated singing?
Diana: I don’t remember the exact age, probably around six or seven years old. I started playing the piano at four, so it came a bit later when I realized it was more fun to play and sing at the same time.
Me: How old were you when you decided you wanted to be a professional singer?
Diana: I was 20 years old.
Me: So, how did you get your start?
Diana: I took classes in music production. Soon after I started making music that people liked and then it kind of took off from there.
Me: What music did you grow up listening to?
Diana: I listened to Spice Girls when I was little. A song that I always used to sing was “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. My dad used to play Santana, Paul McCartney and classic rock bands at home. He says a good song needs a good guitar solo. I’m sorry dad, there not many guitar solos in my songs... haha.
Me: Did you take piano lessons in Sweden? What about singing lessons?
Diana: Yes, I do. I write all my music to piano. I started taking piano lessons and later on I started to sing. My piano teacher was the first one introducing me to singing. I’ve taken lessons since.
Me: I read in your bio that Robbie Krieger from The Doors is a big fan of yours. Did you meet him? How does he know about you?
Diana: I met him last year, when I was recording in his studio. My friend is friend of his engineer and introduced me to him. He is really sweet!
Me: Are you a fan of The Doors?
Diana: I haven’t listened much. Of course I’ve heard the classics. My dad used to sing along to “Light My Fire."
Me: One of my least favorite songs. Okay, let's talk about your single "Elusive Pleasure." Did you write that song, Diana?
Diana: Yes, I did.
Me: What is an elusive pleasure?
Diana: It’s something difficult that you can’t hold on to. The kind of pleasure that is hard to reach. Make sense? Haha. It’s hard to explain. Over all it kind of wraps up the lyrics for the song, and that’s what elusive pleasure means to me.
Me: Also, whose idea was it not to put a pic of you on the singles cover?
Diana: I didn't give my visual designer a picture to use for the single cover.
Me: I watched the video and liked it. Where was it filmed? I am guessing the beach scenes were filmed in California but I don't think the snow scenes were.
Diana: The whole video is shot in California. The beach scenes are from Malibu and the woods are from Topanga Mountain. The snow scenes are from Big Bear.
Me: Ahhhh. Was it really cold there, Diana?
Diana: In Big Bear yes! It was freezing, around 35 F.
Me: There was one scene where you cut your leg... you didn't really cut it, did you?
Diana: I did. I fell when shooting the running in the snow scenes. The snow was so icy, my leg started to bleed. I told the director to cut it out, but he was determined to keep it.
Me: Was this your first video? Was it fun to make?
Diana: Yes, it was my first video. I had a lot of fun.
Me: So, you are working on an EP... what can you tell us about it?
Diana: I can tell you that it’s different. Every song has its own story and uniqueness.
Me: When will it be out?
Diana: June 10th.
Me: Have you been performing live much?
Diana: I have been performing in the Los Angeles area. I’m setting up a brand new show, so what I’ve been playing before will be different now.
Me: So, will you come back when the EP comes out, Diana?
Diana: Yes, I’d love to!
Me: Alright, go ahead and plug your website and everything and I hope this interview was fun.
Diana: You can find more about me on DianaEbe.com. Follow me on Facebook.com/DianaEbeMusic and Instagram.com/DianaEbe.
Me: Continued success and please come back soon.
Diana: Thanks for having me!
That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Diana Ebe for a great interview. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Bruno Mascolo, lead singer for the punk band Drive A. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker