Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Pheaturing Mikey Shiraz From Mr Shiraz

Hey, kids, it's Tuesday and there's an entry of the Phile. Wot? How are you? God, can you believe October is almost over? This year went by so quick. This time last year I was mostly in bed after breaking my humerus in four places, and all on Oxy. I didn't know the difference between Sandy Hook and Hurricane Sandy. Actually I did, but that whole thing was a blur.  McDonald restaurants worldwide will stop providing Heinz ketchup for its customers, possibly due to the appointment of former Burger King CEO Bernardo Hees as new chief of H. J. Heinz Company this past June. The decision will certainly anger many fast food customers, who will likely not be at all assuaged to learn that McDonald’s actually stopped using Heinz ketchup in U.S. locations many years ago. Burger King's parent bought Heinz, so McDonald's dropped their ketchup. Then they called them a whore and then unfriended them on Facebook.  Ohio State’s marching band delivered a tour de force halftime performance Saturday, marching in formation so as to flawlessly render with their bodies a Tyrannosaurus Rex and Harry Potter, as well as breathing more life into the character of Superman than was managed by Henry Cavill in Man of Steel.  Glenn Greenwald and Germán Aranda, using information released by Edward Snowden, revealed yesterday in El Mundo that the U.S. National Security Agency collected data from 60 million phone calls in Spain over the course of 30 days last year, which some people might say is a mind-boggling statistic. And if they say it on the telephone, chances are quite high that the NSA will know about it inmediatamente.  I mentioned this yesterday and I have to mention it again... former Velvet Underground frontman, godfather of alternate rock music and proud purveyor of the white guy afro Lou Reed died yesterday at the age of 71, possible due to a "liver-related ailment." His influence upon modern music is incalculably immense and he will be greatly missed. He leaves behind a large discography of influential and moving genre-spanning music, as well as some shitty album he did with Metallica. "Hey, white boy. Whatcha doin' uptown?" St. Peter asked Lou Reed in heaven.  Dylan Grall, a 23 year old Wisconsin man, was arrested on two counts of battery with a hate crime enhancer, after approaching two men Sunday morning and beating them up for speaking Spanish. According to Grall, he didn't hit anyone but did indeed warn those Spanish-speaking a-holes to speak English. Only a witness says the two men were actually speaking Hebrew. Lesson learned: don't limit yourself to Spanish-speaking minorities. There are plenty of immigrants out there to hate.  Alright, wanna see something odd?

Paris Hilton went to the Playboy Mansion’s Halloween Party as Miley Cyrus. Crazy, eh?  Hey, Apple lovers, did you see the new Apple ad they just revealed?

Yup.  I went to the store yesterday and I was surprised what they were selling in the toy section.

I thought to myself is that Marvel theme Barcardi? That is not the only thing wrong. Check this out...

That's great if you are gonna get married on Halloween.  Yesterday I mentioned the new Captain America film. I think they are doing it all wrong. If I was making a Captain America movie Cap would look like this...

You're welcome, fellas.  Okay, this is the last entry for October and all this month I have been showing you some breast cancer awareness posters that are creative and controversial. Wanna see the last and final one?

Apparently the agaseke is a Rwandan basket especially used by women to carry things.  In two days it is Halloween and if you still don't know what costume you should or should not get, here is one...

Grab a bag of tortilla chips, open a can of salsa, and show off your spiciness in this traditional Mexican Style costume. This funny costume comes with a colorful sarape, a traditional sombrero, and a giant mustache that is sure to get you laughs both north and south of the border. Besides the obviously offensive description, they also say that it's a "traditional" costume. And now for this week's...

Top Phive Similarities Between "Grand Theft Auto V" And The Obamacare Website
5. Can easily suck up hours of your free time.
4. Highly anticipated release that's been denounced by Conservatives.
3. Transports users to a surreal, nightmarish world where the lives and well-being of others have no worth.
2. Hookers, drug dealers and pimps end up getting the worst treatment.
And the number one thing similar between "Grand Theft Auto V" and the Obamacare website is...
1. Kathleen Sebelius has only a vague understanding of how it works.

Alright, speaking of Obamacare a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and mention something about it. So, please welcome back to the Phile Health Care Campaign Manager for Organizing for Action... Erin Hannigan.

Me: Hello, Erin, welcome back to the Phile. Man, there's a lot of debate about this Obamacare, isn't there?

Erin: Hello, Jason, and yes, in the midst of all of the debate around Obamacare, it's easy to lose sight of what the law really does.

Me: Are people seeing the benefits of it yet?

Erin: Millions of Americans are seeing the benefits.

Me: Okay, so, you wanted to ask the Phile readers something about Obamacare, am I right? I am not sure you'll get an answer, but go ahead.

Erin: We want to hear directly from your readers about their health care experience.

Me: Okay, how would they do this? I hope it's easy, Erin.

Erin: This is super easy, and should only take a minute or two. Answer our short Obamacare survey today.

Me: I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here... isn't health care reform just a website?

Erin: No matter what you hear from the talking heads, health care reform is much more than just a website.

Me: Okay, for the people that don't know, tell them what Obamacare does.

Erin: Obamacare makes lifetime limits and pre-existing conditions a thing of the past. Several preventive health services are now available at no cost within most insurance plans.

Me: Is this good for old people?

Erin: Many seniors are already saving hundreds of dollars a year on their prescriptions.

Me: And young people, Erin, like you?

Erin: Young Americans, up to age 26, are covered under their parents' insurance.

Me: And people without insurance?

Erin: Millions of uninsured Americans have access to purchase affordable health care, many for the first time. Via phone, mail, in person, and online, people can shop among affordable health insurance options.

Me: So, how long do you think the OFA has to teach Americans these facts?

Erin: OFA supporters are going to spend the next five months making sure people have the facts... and that the people who need insurance know how to get it.

Me: I guess that's why we want to hear from my readers about your experience, and what you're hearing from friends and family members. 

Erin: Yes, you are right. Fill out this quick survey today: my.barackobama.com/ACA-Survey.

Me: Thanks, Erin.

Erin: Thank you, Jason.

Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the English band Mr Shirz, whose self-titled CD and new single "No Prophecy" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Mikey Shiraz.

Me: Hey there, Mikey, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Mikey: Very good, thanks for asking. Hope you cats are well too!

Me: Cats? You kids are from England, right? What part?

Mikey: Indeed we are, we are from the Northern town of Huddersfield. A sweet place that is also the biggest town in Europe (Huddersfield fact!)

Me: Have you ever been to the States yet?

Mikey: Yes indeed we have, we toured there a few years ago for six weeks, we hit mainly the west coast and a few in the deep south! It was wicked fun and long drives!

Me: Alright, I have to ask you about the band name. You all have the last name Shiraz, or is that just the band name?

Mikey: We all have the last name Shiraz. You earn the name when joining the band. You must wear the name with pride and even if you are silly enough to ever leave the ranks of the band, the name stays on you like a tattoo.

Me: So, you're not all related?

Mikey: Not through blood. Or anything else but yeah, why not.

Me: Who is in the band then?

Mikey: We have actually just had a line up change due to our original drummer Rob Shiraz sadly getting sick and no longer being able to play. We have also brought in a new guitarist. So we have me or Mikey Shiraz, I'm the vocalist. Tim Shiraz on lead guitar. Tori Shiraz on bass. Sam 'Tiny-Steps' Shiraz on rhythm guitar. Iain Shiraz on drums.

Me: You have a female in the band, which is cool.

Mikey: Indeed we do, Tori our bassist, by far the most talented out of the lot of us. She is amazingly smart and her favourite movie is Jaws!

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new CD "Mr. Shiraz". Being a self-titled release is this your first?

Mikey: It's not. We have had a few EPs released. Our first album had the catchy title "I'm Invincible, I'm Built Like a Sherman Tank, Somebody Try and STOP ME!". I think this is like our fourth.

Me: How long have you kids been together playing?

Mikey: Well, me and Tori have been playing together as Mr Shiraz since the year 2000. Tim joined in 2005. Iain and Sam are both new boys joining this year.

Me: There's two of you on vocals, am I right? Do you each write your own part?

Mikey: Actually just me on vocals now, we have had points in the past when we split them but the new songs we have been doing are suited to just the one. Writing wise in the past it would vary, we would sometimes write together or i'd write it all or they would. Now all lyrics are done by me. I mean those cats write the music so really I should do... haha.

Me: You kids remind me of Faith No More or Sublime, both bands from America. Are they bands you're into?

Mikey: You have just named two of my top five bands ever so nice one!!!! Faith No More are a band, I believe to be the greatest of all time, Mike Patton is GOD!

Me: What bands from the U.K. do you listen to?

Mikey: U.K. wise it's mostly bands that we play with that I listen to... Cavorts, Random Hand, The Human Project. I do love Therapy?, Biffy Clyro are rad, Skindred, Gallows, Spy Catcher. There are a lot of wicked bands around.

Me: I saw that you guys opened for The Aquabats. I don't know to much about them, but a friend of mine is a big fan. Are they from England as well?

Mikey: Nope, The Aquabats are from the good ol' USA. I believe Travis Barker was once their drummer.

Me: They all dress up in the same clothes, like super heroes or something, am I right?

Mikey: Indeed you are, they are real, true superheroes.

Me: How was it opening for them?

Mikey: It was good fun. It was at The Cockpit in Leeds which is a wicked venue, also it was Iain's first gig with us. He did wicked!

Me: Was that the best show you have played?

Mikey: It was fun but not the best. We have been pretty lucky over the years to play things like Leeds Festival twice, tour Europe, tour America (as a huge grunge fan, playing Seattle is pretty high on my list) and supporting some true legends such as Alkaline Trio, Therapy?, Bouncing Souls, Reel Big Fish, Skindred, etc. We have just had so much fun its impossible to pin down the all time best.

Me: As well as the new album you have a new single "No Prophecy" which is not on the new album. Was it supposed to be?

Mikey: It wasn't no. We actually wrote the album AGES ago so a lot of it was the waiting game that happens with most albums, all the legal boring stuff that delays it. "No Prophecy" is one we wrote with the new line-up and we felt it important to get it out ASAP to give people a peek of whats to come!

Me: Are you working on a new album already?

Mikey: We are. It took almost six years between our first and second but we are now recording the new one in just a few weeks to get out for before Christmas! Thats right. Two in one year! The new record will be called "God Hates Mr Shiraz".

Me: You have a released a 15 minute movie short to go with the new song. Was is it about?

Mikey: Its not been released yet, but yes indeed. It will be out on Halloween. It is round the idea of cults. I have always had a big interest in the mentality of religious cults. the song "No Prophecy" was actually based around something I was watching on the Westboro Baptist Church. So it is about a cult leader talking to the congregation about his problems with the world and well, when its out you will see, lets just say that shit gets crazy!

Me: Where can a Phile reader see this video?

Mikey: It will be on YouTube, I'm sure we will spam social media... haha. We have quite a few videos out already if people care to see, they are all readily available on YouTube.

Me: I have to ask you about the album cover for the album... what does it mean? A hot girl hugging and kissing a squid man?

Mikey: Haha. Well, I'm not really sure to be 100% honest. I had an idea of what I wanted, a concept for the art work and tried to relay that to a bunch of different artists I know to see who would come up with the best idea. James Hughes did the one you speak about. The second I saw it I just fell in love with it. Also I love calimari and hot girls.

Me: Speaking of a hot girl... explain this.

Me: Who is that, and were you guys really on the cover of the magazine? I'm confused.

Mikey: Haha... that girl is actress Mila Kunis. A very beautiful lady. The picture of us on Rolling Stone Magazine is sadly fake. It was a press thing that was made to advertise the video we did for "Let It Burn" when we battled a fire breathing dinosaur. Hope that clears it up.

Me: Mila Kunis! I see that now. I am so stupid. Alright, so on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? This is dumb. What was your favorite childhood meal?

Mikey: Erm... fishfingers, chips and spaghetti hoops or Super-Noodles. OOOOooooooH no no, Spaghetti Bolognese. Loved that as a kid.

Me: Mikey, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Go ahead and mention your website and please come back again. Take care. was this fun?

Mikey: Thanks for having us, it was fun, different questions. You can find us all over the net, come join us on Facebook... facebook.com/mrshiraz667 or on Twitter... mrshiraz. Cheers, cats.

Cats? Okay, then. That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Erin Harringan... you don't have to do that survey if you don't want to by the way. And Mikey Shiraz. There's only gonna be one entry of the Phile next weekend and that is on Sunday with Andreas Vanderbraindrain, lead singer of another British band The Tuesday Club. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a safe Halloween.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Pheaturing William Brunskjill From Autopsy Boys

You can't depend on your family, you can't depend on your friends. You can't depend on a beginning, you can't depend on an end. Man, I'll mention Lou Reed in a little bit but I am bummed he has passed. I always wanted to see him in concert. What's with all these goddamn bugs?! Haha. There's no bugs, but I had to say that. Long story. So, how are you doing? Welcome back to the Phile for a Monday.  Realizing it's important for an artist to always change and grow, Chris Brown punches a MAN in the face. Hip-hop artist and girlfriend-beater Chris Brown was arrested and charged felony assault yesterday morning, after allegedly repeatedly punching a man with whom he'd gotten into an argument outside the W hotel in Washington DC. Authorities say Brown did not appear to be under the influence of anything other than the personal demons that make him feel inferior.  Researchers at the Texas A&M Transportation Institute have determined that text messaging with your voice is just as distracting, and therefore no less useful for accidentally killing yourself and the people with whom you are sharing the road, than texting with your fingers. Safety-minded drivers should, instead, pull out their laptop and send a quick email.  "Dancing With the Stars" 'star' Julianne Hough, who is apparently completely unfamiliar with the past 300 years of U.S. history, opted to dress as her favorite character from Netflix's original series "Orange Is the New Black", who happens to be played by Uzo Aduba, an actress who has considerably more pigment in her skin than Hough. Clearly, without giving the matter the full three seconds of thought it deserved, she chose to complete her costume with what appears to be a slightly more upscale version of shoe polish, blissfully unaware that there was an Internet full of hungry commenters just waiting for someone to feed their moral outrage. I have to show you a picture of here it's so weird.

That settles it. I'm going as Sexy Julianne Hough In Black Face for Halloween.  On Saturday's Phile I mentioned Marcia Wallace passing away in the Someone Phamous Has Died pheature. I said she starred in both "The Angry Beavers" as well as "That's My Bush!" Seems like she was trying to tell us something. Well, I had quite a few emails saying they were disappointed I didn't say she was the voice Of Edna Krabappel on "The Simpson's". I apologize. I should've said no hope for Bart now instead. That make you readers happy?  Brewmeister Brewery in Scotland has created a beer that contains 67.5% alcohol by volume, which is considerably stronger than vodka or whiskey, which is typically about 40% ABV. The Snake Venom beer is expected to have a massively positive effect on cases of accidental alcohol poisoning. My favorite beer is the one with the stupid fucking gimmick.  Several months after witnessing Kim Kardashian produce a tiny crying equally-self-possessed version of himself from the inside of her body back in June, Kanye West has decided to hold onto the magic woman and her little-Kanye-creating powers. The hip-hop mogul proposed marriage to her in front of a stadium full of friends and family at AT&T Park in San Francisco. I hope someday Kanye will tell us how embarrassing it was when Kim caught him proposing to himself in the mirror and got the wrong idea.  Large doses of the compound resveratrol found in red wine has been found to have the potential to wipe out cancer cells, according to a University of Missouri study that you're going to start citing while drunkenly opening a fifth bottle of Pinot Noir even though you're the only one at the table who had any of the fourth bottle. Though you likely will neglect to mention the possible side effects, which include intestinal distress, bloating, diarrhea and leaving your pants on the front lawn.  So, did you see the new trailer for the latest Captain America film? I saw it and I wasn't impressed.

I think Cap let himself go after The Avengers. So, do you remember a few weeks ago that whole Barilla controversy? Well, I think there's another problem very similar.

I think Splendido is in big trouble.  Just now I mentioned Kim Kardashian... well, I have to mention her again. Did you see the selfie she posted for her birthday? If not, I have it right here.

Happy birthday, Kim. My birthday is in a few weeks, maybe I'll post a similar selfie. Haha.  Okay, it's almost the end of October and all through the month I have been showing you breast cancer awareness posters that are creative and controversial. They are supposed to be anyway. Here's another...

Mammograms let you live longer. Don't you forget it.  Halloween is just a few days away and if you are wondering what costumes are out there, I have the answer.

In 2011, this costume was chosen as the most tasteless costume of the year. It was going to be called Anna Frank, but she didn't make it. This is real by the way. And now, kids, for some sad news.

Lou Reed 
March 1942 - Oct 27, 2013
Less Velvet. More Underground.

Jackass, minus the potential for serious injury plus Borat, minus the pointed xenophobia satire plus Mrs. Doubtfire, minus the crossdressing equals the emptiest calories of the year. I'd like it if you kept reading but if you were looking for a simple math-like equation there it is.  It was inevitable at some point that Johnny Knoxville would tire of going to the hospital for his art. So in spite of its "R" rating for language and occasional suggestion of penises (prosthetic, stuck in soda machines) and scrotums (also prosthetic, dangling old-man-parody-style out of some underpants), he plays it safe, with minimal chance for concussion. Instead he goes cuddly, gentle and just clever-naughty enough ("They call me Jizzy Gillespie!") to remind you that this is still a Jackass joint.  Unlike the Jackass films, though, it pretends to have something almost like a plot. Knoxville, in geriatric drag, accompanies a small boy acting as his grandson (Jackson Nicoll, Fun Size) on a road trip, ostensibly to deliver the boy to his negligent father. Along the way there are public stunts in bingo halls, strip clubs, public parks, restaurants and biker bars. None of them involve the sort of bystander mockery that made Borat so sharp and Bruno so bothersome; this is old-fashioned "Candid Camera" stuff and nobody's made to look foolish except Knoxville (unless you count the male stripper whose erection is covered with a sparkly penis outfit). It's funny and then its forgettable and nobody gets their feelings hurt or their buttcheeks snapped at by hungry alligators.  And for lovers of the truly confusing there are also interstitial bits of plot between stunts in which Knoxville and Nicoll remain in character to discuss the details of their relationship and their sad destination, essentially a trip to dump a helpless child into the custody of a deadbeat. Attempts are made in the direction of poignancy and tenderness, the pair bonding as the family they clearly aren't. But why? For whom are they acting? Not the audience, obviously, because we get to see what the camera sees. And thanks to this level of not-making-sense, the film takes on a pushy, uncomfortable, mysteriously wrongheaded quality that outshouts the genial trickery the audience is already in on. We don't know who the movie thinks we are during these moments, part of the inner circle of prank-makers or goldfish with five-second memory spans who'll believe any new narrative no matter when it presents itself. And we're not sure we want to be played this way, treated like just another object of a practical joke. You'd be forgiven for yelling "Stop being weird at me, movie!" even though nobody on the other end could hear your cry. From 1 to 10, it gets a 7.

A few minutes ago I mentioned Lou Reed, well, a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something about him. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man... you know what time it is.

Good morning, humans... Time to do the Monday thing again. So bummed out... I had the honor of meeting Lou twice in my life. Once, at a recording studio when Annie Lennox introduced me to him and once in Boston years later. I had jumped up onstage with a friend's group to sing "Generator" by The Foo Fighters. When I finished, I was at the bar when I heard a voice behind me say, "That was a very interesting song." Before turning around, I blurted out, "Tell Dave Grohl... he wrote it." I turned to find Lou Reed (one of my childhood idols) scowling at me as he said, "Okay then..." and walked away from me. Two memories stick with me about the track "Take A Walk On the Wild Side". One is the first time I ever heard it on AM radio as a kid. I was driving with my mom and dad through Times Square after sundown. All the grit and dirt, peep show signs in neon, hookers and junkies milling about... and this cool bass line started. My father just turned it up and said, "Cool." The other was in a pub in Greenwich Village in the early '90s. My pal Tony and I were playing an unplugged show and someone from the crowd shouted "LOU REED!" Tony started playing this and on the spot we played a near perfect version of it complete with ending sax solo on my kazoo. Tony and I fell over with drunken laughter when we finished the last notes. Lou Reed was (and always will be) a very important part of New York's rock n roll history. R.I.P. Lou Reed.

I have a quick Lou Reed story, but it's not that good. In the 90s a friend and I went into Manny's music shop in New York City and overheard a few people talking in there. Apparently if we would of been in there a few minutes earlier we would of seen Lou. Fucking timing.

Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the U.K. band Autopsy Boys who fuse hardcore/post punk and 80s synth pop. Their latest single "Crushing on Cynthia Leech" is now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... William Brunskjill.

Me: Hello, guys, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

William: We’re good. We’re always good. Thanks for asking, and thank you for having us.

Me: William, you and Gary Hargreaves are two are the main guys and founders of the band, am I right?

William: Well, we started the band together, but Al has been in the band pretty much from the start.

Me: Where did you two meet and start writing music?

William: We were both working at a chemical plant together. We had music in common and so it wasn’t long before we started hanging out together at parties and stuff. Before long we hatched a plan to file sexual harassment suits against our bosses and use the compensation we received to go to Music College and educate ourselves. Even before this band really started it was running on bribery and corruption. You know what they say though, nice guys finish last.

Me: Who does most of the songwriting?

William: We all chip in to be honest. One of us will normally come up with a basic idea and then everybody builds on that.

Me: You have other guys in the band as well, right? Who is in the band?

William: Yeah, Al plays guitar, JP on drums and Jamie plays bass.

Me: I don't play drums. Haha. How long has Autopsy Boys been together? I think you've been together as long as I have been doing the Phile... seven years, am I right?

William: It depends how you look at it really. Me, Al and Gaz started writing together about 7 years ago. But it was only late 2011 that we actually started taking it seriously and playing live and stuff.

Me: I was gonna ask you about the band name, where it comes from but I think I know... you guys like blood, am I right?

William: Yeah, kind of. We’re obsessed with horror movies, so we wanted something that would instantly get that across.

Me: Alright, where did the band name come from and who came up with it?

William: We were trying to think of names like Dead Boys and Zero Boys, all we really knew is that we wanted to be called something boys. One day I was listening to an album called "Autopsy" by 45 Grave and then we were like hey, that’s a pretty cool name and so Autopsy Boys it was.

Me: So, would you consider Autopsy Boys a punk band? You're not straight out punk, as you have lots of synthesizers in your music. Do you agree?

William: We’re not really sure what to label ourselves to be honest. We just write whatever we feel like. The majority of it is punky, so it’s easier to just say that. We all love 80s synth pop and new romantic stuff too though, so we add stuff like that to the mix. I think it’s the horror movie influence. You see, I never really knew what punk was as a kid. I was really into thrash metal. But every horror movie I’d watch would have kids listening to this cool music. So my uncle gave me a Dead Kennedys records and I fell in love with punk. So when you crosshardcore punk with horror movie scores you get Autopsy Boys.

Me: I have a feeling your musical influences are no one I have heard of. What bands are you into?

William: I think you’d be surprised. There’s a massive range of genres and influences involved. We’re real music geeks and listen to all sorts. Thrash metal, hardcore punk, 80s pop, hip hop, breakdance, classical, whatever. Our biggest influence is a band called The Dwarves. They were my idols and actually ended up being friends and working with them. Other than that there are far too many to mention.

Me: I read in your bio you kids are fans of 80s TV shows, horror movies... no shit. We'll talk about that in a minute, gaming and marijuana. First of, what TV shows in the 80s were your favourite?

William: Wow. There are a lot. Stuff like "Married With Children", "Airwolf", "Knight Rider", "Streethawk", "ALF", "Tales From the Crypt", "Outer Limits", "Creepshow" to name a few. We’re big WCW fans though. So a lot of our time was spent watching wrestling week after week after week. 

Me: And what kinds games are you talking about? Video games?

William: Yeah man, video games. But not just like PS3 and XBox, we also still love the older stuff like Nintendo, Megadrive, Tomyttronic 3-D, C64 and shit. Video games and horror movies are definitely they key contributions towards the lyrical content.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new single "Crushing on Cynthia Leech". Who is Cynthia, is she a real person?

William: She’s a screw from "Prisoner: Cell Block H". You only see her every now and again though, and when you do see her she’s lurking in the shadows, or it’s just her mouth during a phone call. She’s the most feared prison officer in the programme. If Cell Block H can’t handle a prisoner or they want them bumped off they send them to her.

Me: I never heard of that show. Who is the girl on the single cover?

William: She’s called Macey. She’s another friend. She was in our first ever music video. I got to pull her arm out of its socket and beat her round the head with it. Haha. She’s kind of like our mascot. She’s on all our covers. We did a photo shoot with her and came up with a few different concepts for single and album covers.

Me: Speaking of girls, I just watched the video for the song and holy shit, it started out good with two hot girls kissing then they started ripping each other apart. I am not a fan of blood or horror movies, so I was taken back. I have a screen shot here.

Me: Anyway, who were those girls? Friends of yours or actresses?

William: Friends of ours. Betty and Sassi. Betty is a dancer for The Booty Skool Dropouts and Sassi is a model. We have a small network of friends and between us we can achieve cool things. Pretty much anything we need to do you can guarantee we know someone to help out.

Me: You guys weren't in the video but were you at the shoot? Even though I hate blood I would have been there.

William: We were in the first video "Last Day of School" but we just enjoyed helping out behind the scenes and stuff more than actually staring in them. Also, just about every band going make the videos about them, so it seemed like it would make the videos slightly more original if we weren’t in them. We thought it would be cool to just concentrate on the narrative too and just give people a short movie.We’re always at the video shoots though to overlook stuff and configure with the director and FX team.

Me: Who came up with the concept for the "Cynthia Leech" video?

William: Our director Paul Shrimpton. He said that he’d like to do a cannibal video with a romantic couple. We were just throwing ideas around and before long somebody mentioned it being lesbians, then someone else mentioned it being like a fucked up Calvin Klein ad. So we blitzed my basement with white paint and got to work. It’s meant to be romantic, but I think it gets lost in translation because of the gory girl on girl action.

Me: The beginning was romantic when they started kissing before the blood. I have a screen shot of that as well.

Me: Is this the first video you did like this? Do all your videos have blood in them? Or hot girls?

William: They all have hot girls and normally everybody dies in the goriest way possible. All apart from one, for ages I’d wanted a time lapsed graffiti video, so we gave our buddy Eject EP a shout, gave him and Major Kuts a load of weed to smoke and left them to it. Our usual music videos are made by a group of our friends from Thrisk who were always into making films as kids. They started a film company called Thirskploitation and a special FX team called GTFX. They recently made a movie called Inbred, we love horror and that’s what they excel at. It just seemed logical. We’re just lucky we have such talented friends. Search Autopsy Boys on YouTube or just go to our website.

Me: And who was that actor in the beginning of the video? I think I saw him on "Doctor Who".

William: It’s another friend of our called Seamus O'Neil. He’s been in tons of stuff. He was in Dead Man’s Shoes, Inbred, Sightseers, This is England and tons of other stuff. I remember "Heavy Metal Heaven" hosted by Elvira as a kid and wanted to do something similar as a kind of homage to it. Seamus is at the start of all of our videos and will hopefully be on every video we do from now on. He’s a really good guy and an amazing actor.

Me: So, what does a typical Autopsy Boys show look like? Do you guys dress up, and spray fake blood?

William: Yeah, we wear dead skin masks like Ed Gean and disco shirts to help get our groove on. Other than that, plenty of blood, guts and people going nuts.We try and get the crowd fucked up so that they feel like joining in the party. Haha.

Me: Where are you guys from anyway? I know England, but what part?

William: I was actually born in Ijsselstein, Netherlands, but my family moved to England and I grew up in Leeds. Gaz is also from Leeds, the others are from Wakefield.

Me: You guys played at something called Beefstock IV. What was that show like and was that the biggest show you have done?

William: No. It was the reason for this band becoming a reality though. Me and Gaz were drinking and smoking weed in a beer garde and a local promoter approached us and asked us to play. We were wasted so agreed. Before long we saw posters appearing with our name on. So we recruited the others and started practicing. From that gig we got signed to a small label who released our first 7’’. It gained really positive feedback and so we decided to make a go of it. We’ll give you a copy to check out.

Me: So, are you guys coming out with an album?

William: We actually have an album out called "Def Elements" but it wasn’t really meant to be an album, its just a collection of songs we’d written over the years. We are currently a new album though; it’ll be out at some point next year. It’s sounding really cool though.

Me: When it comes out, will you come back on the Phile?

William: Of course.

Me: Okay, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? Where would you choose to live if you had to leave the country?

William: It depends on the reason behind us having to leave. If it was just to holiday it would probably be Amsterdam. If it was because there was a bounty on our heads or we were wanted by the police it would probably be Perth, Western Austrailia. We know people there who can give us new identity’s and hide us and stuff.

Me: William, thanks for being on the Phile. Come back soon, and take care. Less blood and guts from now on, okay?

William: Sure thing. More blood and guts coming up.

Me: Oh, mention your website. Take care.

William: It's autopsyboys.com. You can watch all our vids and listen to our music there. Take it easy.

Well, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and William Brunskjill. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Mikey Shiraz, lead singer for the band Mr Shiraz. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Pheaturing Jonus Preston

Hi there, and welcome back to the Phile for a Sunday. What a beautiful morning here in Central Florida. How are you doing?  Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Do you have a costume picked out? No? Easy fix. Wear normal clothes and when people ask what you are, say, "I'm a serial killer." Then just glare.  King of the street artists Banksy got into the Halloween spirit last week during his stay in New York City. He set up a guerilla-installation at the corner of Houston and Elizabeth Streets featuring a grim reaper bouncing around in a bumper car to the chilling strains of Blue Öyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper." Banksy explained, "This sculpture perfectly represents death in that it's a bit random." Well said.  Legendary Green Bay Packers Quarterback, and okay-ish other team Quarterback Brett Favre, who is denying rumors that he's coming out of retirement for the St. Louis Rams, reported that recent lapses of memory, apparently as a result of years of physical abuse on the field, have been giving him reason to worry. "I don't remember my daughter playing soccer, playing youth soccer, one summer. I don't remember that... This was pretty shocking to me... For the first time in 44 years, that put a little fear in me." You’ve got to wonder if this is in any way related to the collective amnesia we all have of his last couple seasons. Favre hasn't forgotten how much he enjoys publicity.  Don Yelton resigned from his position as the precinct GOP chair for Buncombe County, N.C. after accidentally just being himself and saying the kinds of things he really thinks while being interviewed for the "Daily Show" about his state’s new voter ID law... which he admits was designed to make it harder for "lazy black people" who want "the government to give them everything" to vote for Democrats. "In no way are his comments representative of the local or state Republican Party,” said a precinct spokesperson of the man who was literally elected to represent the local and state Republican Party. Dear Don Yelton: Sorry you lost your job. I hope your black friend is there to comfort you. Facing record low popularity ratings, congressional Republicans wisely opted to shift the spotlight of public scrutiny away from themselves, where they'd placed it for the past couple months, and onto the train wreck that is the Obamacare roll-out. Contractors for the HealthCare.gov website, called to speak before a clearly-politically-motivated but probably-worthwhile congressional hearing, blame dysfunction within the government for the terribly-implemented site, which does not sound at all unreasonable all things considered. I’d like to dress up as the Obamacare website this Halloween but I just can’t seem to make it work. Haha.  That heavy anarchy-dripping garage rock band that you used to worship in back in high school called Metallica is being sent to Antarctica by a Fortune 500 corporation that produces an array of flavorful soft drinks to perform a concert in promotion of sugar-free low-cal Coca-Cola Zero. This doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense until you realize how vehemently-opposed to bittorrenting penguins are. At this point, is there anything less metal than Metallica?  I have to mention this, and Debbie Boldacious might disagree, Russell Brand, whom you probably remember from a bunch of things that aren’t his "Brand X" new-ish show on FX, was on BBC's "Newsnight" the other newsnight to discuss his recent gig as guest editor for the New Statesman's revolution-themed issue and goddamn it if his arguments weren’t annoyingly compelling and convincing. More so in comparison to the talking starched suit from whom he was sitting across. I like Russell, I wish I was as smart as him. If I was a TV executive I would create a show where Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais compete to see who can be more condescendingly dismissive of the other's beliefs. I think it'll be a hit. A few moments ago I mentioned street artist Banksy's putting a grim reaper in a bumper car. If you haven't seen a picture of this I have to show you.

That's kinda funny. If you wake up from a bender and someone has drawn a dick on your forehead, don't wash it off... it might've been Banksy.  Okay, so, I wanna do a do-over. Yesterday I told a joke about Disney's new movie Frozen and I showed you a rather stupid picture of Walt frozen in some glass cabinet kinda thing which made no sense whatsoever. Well, I was annoyed by that so I thought today I would redo the whole thing. So, here we go... Disney, which is the greatest company to work for, is coming out with a new movie called Frozen. I have no idea what that movie was about until I saw this screen shot from the movie.

Yeah! That's better. LOL. But why are Walt's eyes red?  Alright, I was thinking I wanna a new car but don't know what I want until I saw this...

It's the safest vehicle on the road, incapable of hitting anything. I wonder how many of you got that reference.  Speaking of Star Wars, have you seen the new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor?

I love it!!  Okay, well, as you know it's breast cancer awareness month and all through this month I am showing you some creative yet controversial breast awareness ad's. I say they are controversial, but I didn't get one complaint about any of them. Anyway, this is the latest...

This ad was rejected because of the sexual connotation of ‘mouthful'. I think it's clever.  As I mentioned as you know, Halloween is just around the corner. Do you need a costume idea? Well, how about this?

You can only get away with this costume one day out of the year, and that day only occurs on leap year... in another dimension. For those who don't know, the shocker, also known colloquially as "two in the pink, one in the stink," is a hand gesture with a very sexual connotation. Shit, I can't make that gesture. Crap!! Oh, well. Moving on... from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Good Things About The Obamacare Website
5. Those endless hours you're allegedly looking for insurance online are the perfect cover for your crippling porn addiction.
4. Most plans cover the antidepressants you'll need after waiting a month to finally sign up.
3. Any policy that Senator Ted Cruz chooses? $2 million deductible.
2. Users who successfully register can download a coupon for "2-for-1 Potato Twisters at participating Applebee's".
And the number one good thing about the Obamacare website is...
1. It'll get Kathleen Sebelius fired.

I'm going to hell. If you spot the Mindphuck email at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Okay, so do you like advice, men? Well, I don't have any, but a good phriend of the Phile does. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good morning, humans. LJ's Helpful Tips For Men... #243... If you're in a public restroom and all the urinals are taken... you're forced to either wait or take a stall. If you do so, and your phone rings... DON'T answer it with your free hand. I just witnessed this and heard a stream of obscenities that would make a porn star blush come from the stall as the man dropped his iPhone into a piss filled bowl. Look... unless there is a zombie plague, you are the lone viralogist with a cure... and it's the fucking President of the United States calling... the call can wait until you're done washing your hands.

Today's pheatured guest I thought was a singer songwriter but really he is a jazz musician, whose latest single "Tears In Vain" is a singer songwriter type song. Or something like that. We;ll get to the bottom of this. Please welcome to the Phile... Jonus Preston.

Me: Hello, Jonus, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Jonus: Does anyone else find it hot in here or is it just me?

Me: It is just you, man. Okay, let's get to the bottom of this right away... You started out as a jazz musician, but your new single "Tears In Vain" is not jazz. Is this the first acoustic song you wrote like this?

Jonus: When I was in high school, my favorite class was a song writing course. I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty awesome showing up to class with the teacher handing out a Bob Dylan record as our daily assignment. There was one song in particular that stood out for me called the "Hurricane". Its a political song that captured the outrage and horror for a man, Reuben "Hurricane" Carter that was wrongfully charged for a triple homicide in 1966 at a New Jersey bar. I remember how fired up I got after hearing it. In an effort to express my own frustration, I started writing and adding my own lyrics to Dylan's. But it wasn't until many years later, in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook school shootings, that I started writing "Tears In Vain," in an effort to express my own pent-up emotions about gun violence. When I first heard the terrible news, I didn't plan to write anything political but when I picked up my guitar it was all I could think about. I wrote the first verse, put the guitar down and flipped on the news, only to find myself even more frustrated. So I picked up my guitar and finished the song.

Me: Okay, the song has a meaning, and there's a reason you wrote it... gun-reform, which is a subject that has been brought up a few times on the Phile thanks to the politicians I have had here. Why is gun-reform so important to you, Jonus?

Jonus: Twenty children and 6 teachers were shot and killed in front of dozens of other students and teachers by an unstable individual who was decked out with enough guns and ammo to go fight in a war, and the only proposed prevention for the future from gun supporters is more guns. Thats bullshit. When I hear bullshit like that, I have to do something about it. So I wrote a song. I encourage anyone who feels strongly to let their voice be heard. Sadly, there are more people speaking in support of guns than against them. At least, thats the feeling I get when I talk to people or I flip on the news. I believe if there are enough people vehemently speaking out against gun violence we will finally see a change for a safer country.

Me: You wrote the song in answer to Sandy Hook last December. Why and how did that touch you so much you wanted to write a song?

Jonus: It's for the kids. I wrote “Tears In Vain” because we were all once kids, before we were teenagers and before we became adults. I have extremely fond memories of my childhood. I can't imagine that taken away or haunted by such a horrific event that the children of Sandy Hook had to experience. A few friends of mine have kids that were all around that age and I asked them what they felt going back to school after seeing the news of shootings on TV and they told me they were scared. They told me their friends were scared. That's a weight they are going to have to carry for a very long time. And if there is any way possible to prevent such a tragedy in future, to spare the lives of even one child, those measures should be taken. If we carry on blindly without the will to make a difference, without the support to change certain laws, there is sadly nothing to prevent this from happening again. Sitting on our hands is cowardice.

Me: I think it's very cool when artists like yourself do something that you wouldn't ordinarily do because you're passion about. How long did it take you to write the lyrics and music, Jonus, and what came first?

Jonus: I had been fooling around with some chords on my guitar. Nothing too serious. My dad flipped on the news and we were hit in the face from what we saw. Two days later the song was done.

Me: Did you go into the studio right away to lay down the song?

Jonus: I was on vacation at the time. But I wanted to lay something down quick. I found this cool guy who had a studio in his basement. We tracked an acoustic version, just voice and guitar. It helped me nail down the ideas in my head. As soon as I return to New York, I got together with my producer, Misha Piatigorsky. We put a very solid team together and I got it done as fast as we could. There was a real sense of urgency from everyone that worked on it. We all wanted to get it out there and share with everyone we knew.

Me: There's a child singing on the song with you, who is that?

Jonus: Her name is Anatalya Piatigorsky. Misha is her father. She's only a 11 and she really is a phenomenal singer and performer. When I was 11, I was playing Donkey Kong and shes out there singing on records and winning talent competitions. When you listen to her on the record you can hear her put everything into the song. It was very important to have her singing on “Tears In Vain”. She's the voice of the kids.

Me: When you asked her if she wanted to take part, did she say yes right away?

Jonus: It was Misha's last minute decision to have her sing. I don't know why we hadn't thought of it sooner but better late than never.

Me: How old is your daughter, Jonus?

Jonus: Thats a good one. I'm not a father yet.

Me: Oh, my bad. Anyway, like I said, you are a jazz singer, or musician. Do you play jazz guitar?

Jonus: Yea, I studied jazz in college. These days I don't play as much jazz guitar as I used. Django Reinhardt was always my favorite but he fell into more of the gypsy jazz vein.

Me: How difficult is it to play a more poppy like song?

Jonus: Not difficult at all. In fact its a hell of a lot easier. Have you seen the chart for "Giant Steps"?! That will give you a headache.

Me: No, I haven't. Will you be recording any other songs like this, Jonus?

Jonus: I'm just putting the final touches on a new song called “Heaven To Hell”. This one rocks hard and I'm amped to showcase some guitar prowess. It was such a privilege to work with the guys on this record. Some serious cats are playing on it. We had a blast tracking down at Avatar Studios which has to be the best place to lay down a song.

Me: With "Tears In Vain", proceeds go to The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. How did you approach them and tell them they'll get some proceeds?

Jonus: In fact, all proceeds from “Tears In Vain” are going to the Brady Campaign. Like I said, I really want there to be a change and I believe now is a crucial time for that push to end this rampant form of gun violence in America. If there is any way that “Tears In Vain” can contribute I will take those steps. There is this nifty company called Dympol that has helped link me to the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence.

Me: For those that don't know, tell them who Brady is. Have you ever met him?

Jonus: I have not met Jim Brady. He was assistant to President Reagan before he was shot and nearly killed during an assignation attempt on Reagan. Of course he is an ardent supporter of gun reform. In 2001 the Handgun Control Inc. was renamed the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence in his honor.

Me: I sat a table next to his in Washington D.C. once at a restaurant, but I didn't talk to him. Where is the single being sold, Jonus, and will it be on iTunes?

Jonus: Unfortunately iTunes does not offer any solution to associate with different charities. You can purchase the song on my website or my Facebook fan-page.

Me: Apart from this single, do you have any other music coming out?

Jonus: I'm hoping to release "Heaven To Hell" next month. Following it up with the full length album in the spring of 2014.

Me: Cool. On the Phile I often ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Here is yours, Jonus... What event in the past, present or future would you like to witness in person?

Jonus: If one day aliens land on Earth, I would like to be there to see. Space travel is an endless fascination for me. I love that Richard Branson has started Virgin Galactic. What a way to drop 250,000 big ones!

Me: Jonus, thanks for being on the Phile. Go ahead and mention your website and I wish you continued success.

Jonus: Thank you it's been a pleasure. You can find out more by going to jonuspreston.com.

Well, that about does it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim as always and of course Jonus Preston. Go by his single, all the proceeds go to a good cause. Okay, the Phile will be back tomorrow with William Brunksjill, lead singer for the band Autopsy Boys. Then there's gonna be another entry on Tuesday with Mikey Shiraz for the band Mr Shiraz. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

See, I told you I couldn't do the Shocker. Haha.