Thursday, July 27, 2006

Should've Kept My Eyes Shut

Hello, welcome to the Peverett Phile, I am your host, Fainting Goat. It's true, my friends, after passing out at work and taken in an ambulance to Celebration Hospital, it turns out I am diabetic. Tomorrow I am going to get more tests done though. There is nothing but disasters on the news - the Mideast, power blackouts, the Dodgers. The Dodgers lost again. That’s 13 loses out of 14 games. See what happens when you tighten the boarders and you can’t get anymore immigrants. We have to reopen the border immediately. Happy Birthday to Mick Jagger.163 years old yesterday! No, he turned 63. Mick’s secret to looking good? Always stand next to Keith Richards. Ford is now coming out with personal computers inside their vehicles. This is so Ford employees can look for a job on the way to work. Have you seen the weather map in "USA Today”? All the states are red. It’s like a dream-come-true for Karl Rove: 50 red states. So, Al Gore if you’re reading this, we give up! You were right. Now make it stop. Make it go away. John Kerry said over the weekend that if he were president the current conflict in the Middle East wouldn’t be happening because he would be more involved in the Middle East. More involved? Bush has invaded the place. How much more involved can he get than that? Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania, for winning the Tour de France. This is the eighth time in a row an American has gone through France and into Paris. Eighth times! Even the Germans only did it twice. Floyd Landis, came back from being eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement surgery. He still won. Here’s my question, can the French even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana.” Make them come over here. The demand for air conditioning caused a power outage in Santa Monica that crashed MySpace for 18 hours. Law enforcement officials said it was the safest teenage girls have been in twenty years. Some sad news, the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited "irreconcilable similarities”. Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It’s Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth? In England this week they recorded their highest temperature in history. Good thing they can all cool offwith a refreshing meat pie. President Bush met with the prime minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, "Now that you’re here could you see why my computer is acting up?” Producers of "The View” have removed every picture of Star Jones that remains from the offices. They also removed the Velveeta fountain from her old dressing room. And finally, Dan Baldwin was in a car crash last night. As you might expect the pizza was not delivered.


While I am getting used to be a diabetic, life in the Big Brother 7 house continued to shuffle forward, and the show aired three more episodes. On Thursday, Nakomis was booted by a vote of 8 to 2, having remained on the block when Erika won the power of veto and chose not to use it. Kaysar spent part of Tuesday’s episode trying to justify his “lame-ass nominations,” as Marcellas called them; even Kaysar’s ally Janelle called his decision “easy way out” and said his “nominations just suck” because Kaysar made a deal with Will and Boogie, the least-trustworthy people in the house. But after yet another season six alliance member won HOH on Thursday, the strategizing became a bit more interesting. James realized he was the odd person out in the alliance, and considered working with Will, who’s apparently only transparent when you’re not interacting with him in person. The Six talked about putting George up in order to force a non-season sixer to put up one of their own, and because “he’s fucking worthless,” as James told Danielle. James abandoned the first plan and embraced the second, nominating both George and Dr. Will, who looked like a damn Oompa Loompa during the nomination ceremony thanks to either a horrible fake tan or too much sunlight on his pasty skin. James seemed to suggest that Will wasn’t just a pawn, but might actually go home. If only. Most of that happened toward the end of last night’s episode. Finally: Big Brother 7 got exciting. And unbelievably, Chicken George was the catalyst. The crazy bastard won the power of veto and saved himself, and what happened after that was a full-scale implosion. The veto challenge started by having the competitors burn their clothes, get written on with markers, and dye themselves blue—challenges clearly designed and practiced by drunk interns. But the last two tasks were intriguing: First, the remaining competitors had to agree to sit out the next veto. That left just Kaysar and George, who next had to agree to shave their heads. (Someone watched The Amazing Race!) Both did, despite Marcellas’ protests about Kaysar losing his hair. Earlier, we were treated to an entire segment about the crush he has on Kaysar. Marcellas even said that when he noticed Kaysar “actually kind of stank” one day, “I was trying to catch the smell in my nose so I could sort of keep it forever. That smell is better than banana cupcakes.” The tiebreaker asked Kaysar and George how many of the remaining 60 days they’d be willing to eat slop oatmeal. George went for all 60 days, and won the veto, which he used to save himself. As a result, HOH James had to nominate someone new, and that person was Jase, who the BB6 alliance agreed was a threat—more of a threat, apparently, than the Chill Town alliance. When Jase found out about this, he stormed into the back yard, where everyone was gathered while waiting for the veto ceremony. “I love getting back-doored,” Jase said, shortly before he began throwing things around in anger. He called it “the bitch route,” primarily because he’d made a pact with James to get rid of the weak players so they could go head-to-head as strong players. Jase, who really needs to stop wearing sleeveless shirts or get deodorant that doesn’t turn his armpits white, called himself a “true competitor of the game.” He used his mad skillz to try to turn the group, and James, against Marcellas, who started shouting and said Jase is “trying to throw me under the bus” as a “last-ditch effort.” For his part, James was ridiculously angry that he had to nominate someone else besides non-threatening simpleton George. “Everything I have worked for is now down the drain; I’m busting my ass in here,” he said. If only James knew what it was like to nominate someone week after week after week, only to have that person save themselves with the veto. Oh, irony. As all of this went down, Will sat quietly, ate a sandwich, and smiled. The fucker is going to win again—perhaps because of the speech he gave at the veto ceremony. Knowing the group was much more likely to vote out Jase, Will went on a tirade, first explaining that he was motivated during season two by the fact that he disliked some people in the house. He then wondered why he wasn’t motivated this season, saying, “I thought it was because I really like everyone here. I can’t find an individual to hate, because I hate you all. I’m going to ask to be removed from this game by you all. Now, if you refuse to kick me out, I will be throwing every competition, I will throw every HOH, I will throw every POV, and I will throw every food competition. George is on slop, and I will do the best I can to ensure that we all are on slop, unless you get together, have a big group meeting, and vote me out.” Although the houseguests laughed and smirked while he talked, Will told us later, “I have made the target on my back so giant that it’s become invisible.” And it’s hard not to see how smart he actually is, because he will likely survive this nomination and then coast for weeks. After Will ranted, George gave a stirring speech about second chances, saying “I’m just honored to be with each and every one of you. You are all-stars, you are all-stars at something in life.” Then he saved himself and kept his chicken ass in the game for at least one more week. If only he could be this interesting all the time. Besides the alliance of the four Big Brother 6 cast members, there may be a secret alliance of four others inside the Big Brother 7 house. This new alliance was revealed on the live feeds last week, and may help explain the angry reaction of HOH James after George won and used the veto. During “a private conversation … it was revealed that James, Will, Danielle Reyes and Mike ‘Boogie’ Matlin had formulated a pre-game alliance before stepping into the ‘Big Brother’ house,” according to Jam! Showbiz. Discussing the possiblity of James nominating Will and George in order to force George out, Dr. Will said, “My goal is not to go to sequester. Next week, I will be somewhat nervous. You don’t need to feel weird about nomming me.” Thus, when George saved himself, that created a problem for James. Separately, Will also said that he “was promised over and over by the producers that this would be huge,” referring to the all-star season, and asked James, “Can we make some general agreement that if it comes to Week Five, you will kick me?” He wants out of the house before sequester begins. Will is not alone. While the houseguests receive $4,000 a week for being on the show outside of any prize money, they earn $5,000 a week for being sequestered as part of the jury. Still, many of the houseguests are reportedly bitchy about the possibility of being sequestered. According to Reality TV Calendar, “Will, Mike Boogie, Danielle, Jase and Marcellas have all said on the feeds that they would not go to sequester. They would refuse to participate in the show any further.” And here’s another example of why having an all-star cast just isn’t always the best idea: they know too much and have inflated impressions of themselves and their importance.


Bob Dylan commercial Dylan's early remarks on selling out, then the first commercial in which his one of his songs/he was in.
SEARCH ENGINE Ouch, my brain hurts from playing this. Publish your book with no up-front costs (like cafepress for books)


Another new feature of the Phile, a Top Ten List with a difference. The first one is: Top 13 Craziest Mental Disorders (and I would know). 1) Adolf Hitler was triskaidekaphobic, which is a fear of number 13. A specific fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia. Tetraphobia is the fear of the number 4 in China, Japan, and Korea. 2) Kleptomania: steal what you can. Inability to resist impulses of stealing. A person with this disorder is compelled to steal things, generally things of little or no value, such as pens, paper clips, or miniature toy cars (dinky cars). They are often unaware of performing the theft until some time later. 3) Bigorexia or Muscle dysmorphia is a disorder in which an individual becomes obsessed that they are not muscular enough. Sometimes referred to as bigorexia or reverse anorexia nervosa, it is a very specific case of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Muscle dysmorphia can cause individuals to: - Constantly check themselves in a mirror. Become distressed if a gym session is missed. Take potentially dangerous drugs (e.g. anabolic steroids). Neglecting jobs/relationships/family due to exercising. 4) Bibliomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder involving the collecting of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged. The purchase of multiple copies of the same book and edition and the accumulation of books beyond possible capacity of use or enjoyment are frequent symptoms of bibliomania. 5) It causes the sufferer to occasionally experience a tremendously loud noise as if from within his or her own head, usually described as an explosion or a roar. This usually occurs within an hour or two of falling asleep, but is not the result of a dream.


A DETECTIVE was arrested for allegedly filming up women's skirts with a hidden camera. The married anti-terrorist officer told police he was working undercover to video al-Qaeda suspects. Butback at the station they found his camera had close-ups of bottoms and knickers. He was nabbed by a plain-clothes team watching out for perverts and paedophiles in Trafalgar Square, Central London, on Tuesday. A police source claimed the man, a Scotland Yard surveillance expert with more than 20 years' experience, had the camera hidden in a sports bag. He added: "The officer used surveillance techniques for his own perverted hobby - taking pictures up women's skirts.

"It was one of the year's hottest days and Trafalgar Square was packed with young women in skimpy clothes. When officers moved in, he told them he was a cop on an anti-terror operation. "But the pictures were not of terrorist suspects planning a bombing, they were of knickers." The officer was arrested on suspicion of causing a public nuisance. He has been suspended.


Before I go into the movie buzz, I need to come up with a new name, as I don't like the name I have. So, if anyone can come up with a new name instead of Movie Buzz, please let me know.

Spider-Man 3: A new preview was shown to the nerd horde at Comic-Con. What'd you miss? Topher's transformation into Venom. Oh, and this production art makes me think that Superman ain't the only superhero fighting off gay rumors.

Batman Begins 2: Ans peaking of gay super heroes... Heath Ledger is the new front-runner to play the Joker. Stand-up comics everywhere, rejoice: You can ride your tired Brokeback material for another year!

Dallas:The Movie: Okay, I came up with a new name for the feature. I'm changing the name of this column to Scarlett Johansson Watch. This week, S.J.'s supposedly stepping into the role once rumored for Jessica Simpson. Hmm — probably not a good choice, but at least she's not doing another Woody Allen movie.

The Fountain: If you wanna impress artsy-fartsy types, talk about this trailer in the same way I talk about most art — by proclaiming it brilliant even though it looks like total gibberish.

Children of Men: Clive Owen and everyone else in the trailer are freaking out because nobody on Earth can get pregnant. But they're missing a more important point: It must be way easy to score.

Pursuit of Happyness: In the trailer, Will Smith tells his kid that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything. Except spell "happiness."

Stranger Than Fiction: In the trailer, Will Ferrell hears a voice in his head saying, "Will, you'd better hope Talledega Nights doesn't stink, because if it bombs, your career is over."

Untitled Lance Armstrong Biopic: Jake Gyllenhaal might play Lance Armstrong. To deserve a big-screen bio, the subject must be dead … or close to it. Hasn't anyone noticed that nothing can kill Lance?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Despite being aimed squarely at tween boys, the trailer actually looks kinda cool. Or maybe I'm just entering a second childhood.

Star Trek 11: What all the "cool" Trekkies will be wearing in 2008.

Well, that's it for another entry. I am still waiting for comments, people. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Just A Few Things I Ain't

I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag, but never been bono or sting.
However I dressed never really impressed, so they never got to hear a damn thing. I've been bad man sad man certified mad, but never 007 or saint. Trendsetter go getter international jet setter, are just a few things that I ain't. I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse, but never been a legend to god. New thing dumb thing even last year's thing. Headbang? - not even a nod! I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged. I've never caused a lady to faint. Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy. A few things they said that I ain't. Howdy, and welcome to the Phile once again. Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to find out if I have diabeties or if I'mhyperglim something. I will letcha know what happens in next week's Phile.Yesterday President Bush vetoed funding for stem cell research. But I don't know if he gets it. Bush said stem cells may be dangerous especially if people talk on them while driving. A lot of people were complaining today about how long it’s taking to evacuate Americans from Lebanon. Lebanon? Hey, we couldn’t even evacuate Americans from New Orleans. People still talking about President Bush’s use of a four letter word at the G8 Summit. Is that really a big deal? Now if Bush was to use a four syllable word…I think that would be… President Bush had a number of gaffes at the summit. At one point he was seen giving a neck rub to the German Chancellor. You know what this means – he’s drinking again. This week in a speech Vice President Dick Cheney said that either we are serious about this war or we’re not. Of course people weren’t sure if he meant the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, or the war against people who disagree with him. Business analysts say that McDonald's is doing really well lately because Americans have to spend more money on gas so they're going to McDonald’s rather than more expensive restaurants. So basically, as Americans have to spend more for oil they're looking to pay less for grease. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married. They are going to be living in Malibu in a $10 million trailer. They are getting married on a yacht. Pamela not only will be a bride but also a flotation device. A lot of military experts are wondering how the U.S can stop Israel from getting bombed. Israel? We can’t even stop Pete Coors from getting bombed. Did you hear about this story? The Coors brewingcompany CEO Pete Coors had his license revoked after being arrested for drunk driving last may. At least he uses the product! How creepy is this? A Dutch court has given approval for a new political party whose main goal is to lower the age of sexual consent from 16 to 12. Today Michael Jackson was seen shopping for wooden shoes. You know the worst thing about the heat wave across the country. Al Gore walking around saying, "I told you so. I told you so.” If Al Gore’s movie is correct the polar ice caps are shrinking, the ozone layer is shrinking, and the glaciers are shrinking. The only thing not shrinking? Al Gore. Scientists say now that they are very close to developing chocolate that won’t melt. It’s a chocolate you can eat in hot climates. Apparently we’re holding off on that cure for cancer. Let’s get this chocolate breakthrough first. I don’t know if this is a coincidence or not but, Ken Lay died last week. And today hell filed for bankruptcy. Okay, let's get on with this entry.


Faster than a speeding bullet, comic book superheroes are coming to a post office near you. Batman and Superman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl and a half dozen other superheroes will star on new postage stamps being released Thursday. The new 39-cent stamps and 24-cent postal cards will be made public at a comic book show in San Diego, and will go on sale nationwide Friday. The stamps are sold in a sheet of 20, half featuring the individual superheroes and half showing covers of comic books starring them. The Postal Service reports this is its first set of super hero stamps, indicating more are likely to follow. Characters featured in the stamps are: Batman: Young Bruce Wayne mastered all forms of combat after his parents were killed. He uses his wealth to equip himself with the tools to become the great crime fighter. He made his debut in 1939 and was joined by Robin a year later. Wonder Woman: A figure of strength, beauty and courage, she has been inspiring women since her first appearance in 1941. Plastic Man: After an accident at a chemical plant gives Eel O'Brian the ability to stretch and alter his shape, he renounces his criminal past and becomes the longest arm of the law. He debuted in 1941. Superman: The Man of Steel first appeared in 1938 and has been an icon ever since. Raised in Smallville, the baby from Planet Krypton uses superpowers to battle evil. Green Lantern: Launched with the space age, test pilot Hal Jordan became Green Lantern, a galactic peace officer with an emerald power ring. The Flash: Police scientist Barry Allen is transformed into the fastest man alive in 1956 by an explosive mixture of lightning and laboratory chemicals. Aquaman: The former King of the Seven Seas remains is determined to protect both the Atlanteans and surface dwellers from those who endanger them, using his strength, speed and ability to communicate with marine life. Hawkman: He has artificial wings powered by the mysterious "Nth metal" which allow him to soar through the sky in pursuit of evildoers. He is a master of ancient weapons. Supergirl: Superman's cousin arrives on Earth as an impressionable teenager and eventually becomes his secret weapon. Green Arrow: First appearing in 1941, the Emerald Archer learns his skills while trapped on a desert island. He later escapes to become a modern Robin Hood. The new 39-cent stamps and 24-cent postal cards will be made public at a comic book show in San Diego, and will go on sale nationwide Friday. The stamps are sold in a sheet of 20, half featuring the individual superheroes and half showing covers of comic books starring them.

The stamps feature shots of the characters as well as a few comic book covers.

Big Brother 4 runner-up Alison was the first person evicted from the Big Brother 7 house. Julie Chen revealed the results live and tried to trick everyone, saying, “By a vote of 8 to 2, Danielle—you are safe.” Oh, Julie! Alison took the walk of shame, and outside, seemed repentant, or seemed to realize that soon, Janelle’s fans would be screaming “busto” at her in the grocery store. Of Janelle, who she twice threatened with death, Alison said, “She’s really not that bad, I promise. It’s just the stress.” She added, “I think Janelle’s a great person and a great competitor. … It’s embarrassing to hear I said something like that … I apologize completely.” Alison assisted in the HOH competition, which crowned a single HOH (“this week, we return to the tradition of one HOH,” Julie said). The houseguests were asked a series of true or false questions based upon answers Alison gave during the break. As a side note, before Julie interviewed Alison, some houseguests were gathered around a screen in the house, because it was apparently still showing Julie about to interview Alison. The feed was cut before the interview began, but had producers not noticed, presumably, the houseguests would have heard Alison’s answers during the break. But they clearly did not. Everyone got both the first (Alison thinks Howie is smarter than Will, false, duh) and second (the all-star most likely to wear a bikini made of peanut butter is Kaysar, false) correct. But everyone except Kaysar and Nakomis answered the third question (prior to entering the house, Alison thought her toughest competition would be Erika, true) incorrectly. Both Kaysar and Nakomis got question four (Alison thought the person who would gain the most weight in the house would be Janelle) correct. But the game was decided at question five, which asked if Alison thought Will was the most likely person to seek revenge using a person’s toothbrush in a toilet. The answer was false; Kaysar was correct, and won. But alas, Julie Chen is a twit, she said, “Nakomis, congratulations, you are the new head of household—oh, I’m so sorry! It is Kaysar, my mistake. Sorry, Nakomis.” She said that even though Nakomis’ wheel clearly said “true” and Kaysar’s clearly said “false.” It wouldn’t be Big Brother without Julie being incapable of reading the words True and False, which were even color-coded. Luckily, Julie now gets a week off to learn the difference between the two. On Sunday's episode the first food challenge brought a new punishment food (“slop”; PB&J has been retired) that, coincidentally, the houseguests had to stick their heads into in order to win real food for the week. Kaysar is the new HOH, and way too much time was spent showing us his new HOH room. “The decor is completely different … it’s amazing,” he said. No, what’s amazing is that this is the seventh season and we’re still having HOH bedroom segments to fill time. Later, Kaysar and Erika talked about love. Dr. Will was actually, and apparently non-ironically, wearing a shirt that said “Chill Town.” And this season is officially boring. There was one interesting revelation: Erika admitted that she dated Josh from season one, and said “it’s been hard” and “horrible. … Maybe it was the wrong relationship for me,” she said. You think? When it came time for nominations, many expected Kaysar to nominate Will and others. “I’m probably going to get nominated,” Will said. But he wasn’t, as Kaysar nominated Diane and Nakomis. Now, Nakomis is certainly smart(er than her brother), and anyone who wants to win will have to deal with her at some point. But in week two? What about Dr. Will? Mike Boogie? Danielle? Jase? “I want to get the biggest bang for my buck,” Kaysar said, and said he wanted a “percussion blow.” Alas, dude, you tore your dollar into tiny little pieces and scattered them around, and all you got was basically a weak fart. Hell, even Mike Boogie said it was a “major, major mistake” not to nominate both himself and Will. Kaysar initially said he was concerned that Chill Town would “aggressively come after us” if he nominated them. Later, he told Boogie and Will that he wanted to “weed out some of the stragglers.” Since when did Kaysar make strategic decisions based upon minimizing conflict or targeting the weakest players? Perhaps it was after he gave up the HOH competition last season and proved he wasn’t really a good player after all. And that seems to be what we’re left with: Kaysar’s a nice guy who brilliantly broke up the dominant alliance last season, but since then he’s done nothing but choke. What will happen in tonight's episode?


Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at


Channel 4 is to screen footage from Britain's first 'marathon masturbation' event. Hundreds of sexual exhibitionists – both male and female – are expected to attend the charity event in Central London early next month. A 60-minute documentary, entitled Wankathon, will follow in the autumn. John Beyer, head of Mediawatch, which campaigns against 'offensive' issues in the media, condemned the planned broadcast. obscenity laws 'were always a matter of interpretation'. The Wankathon is the brainchild of the San Francisco-based Centre for Sex and Culture, which holds similar events in the US to help safe-sex groups. Prizes will be on offer for those who have the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest –the record is eight-and-a-half hours. Faked orgasms are not allowed and competitors who break this rule three times can expect to be disqualified. However, the invigilators, who will also be naked, have not said how they expect to spot 'fakers'.



The pencil is shaped like a cactus. The eraser is at the end of the outline of the cactus, making the eraser unusable, unless you were to break off the end of the pencil to use the eraser.


Last week's answer: a child's pull toy.  That's the last of the sex toy or baby toy quiz for awhile. I hope you enjoyed it, and I betcha can't wait for the next Peverett Phile quiz.


Jim Carrey at 1999 VMA's Jim Carrey in rare form... "Would it kill you to play some FOGHAT?"
Chris Halen performs Slow Ride Chris Halen performs "Slow Ride" by Foghat with the group The Infinite Jesture. Now, keep in mind, Chris barely knew this song. Just a sample.
It's back....
The Prestige: The trailer's like a Dungeons & Dragons battle come to life, but instead of a basement full of virgins pretending to be magicians, it's got Christian Bale duking it out with Hugh Jackman.
Snakes On A Plane: The "phobia" trailer lists the forms of terror you'll encounter: agoraphobia, the fear of public places; claustrophobia, the fear of confined places; aviophobia, the fear of flying; and ohphidiophobia, the fear of snakes. But there is one omission: overhypophobia, the fear of not living up to Internet fanboys' expectations.
Beerfest: I love beer. I love the way it tastes. I love the way it smells. I love the way it makes everybody more attractive. I love the way it makes me temporarily forget all of my problems. Maybe it's the beer goggles, but this trailer looks damn good.
Spider-man 3: The online teaser poster, like, changes color and stuff. I wish they'd stop wasting time inventing magic posters and give us another trailer.
Edison Force: Justin Timberlake is the kiss of death. Alpha Dog's been awaiting release for ages, and now Edison Force is going straight to DVD. The only way to save his movie career: a big-screen adaptation of The Barry Gibb Talk Show.
The Other Boleyn Girl: One Boleyn girl is Natalie Portman. The other is Scarlett Johansson. Apparently everyone in 16th-century England was mind-bogglingly hot.

Halo: While the script gets rewritten, rumors have Denzel Washington playing Master Chief. He's suitably butt-kicking — the Déja Vù trailer could be his audition reel.

Panther: Jamie Foxx is right: There's only one guy who can play the Black Panther, and his name is LL Cool J. I submit as proof the cover of the best hip-hop record of 1989.

Well, there we have it, another Phile entry. Don't forget to check out the webshots page at . I am up to 24 pages already. Remember, spread the word, not the turd, and wish me luck at the doctor's tomorrow. I will leave you with another random pic.

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Old Red Eyes Is Back

Man, I am tired, and my back is aching. Logan and I got up early today to go to a Cast Pin Event at Epcot, and we spent a day in the park again, so I am exhausted. It was so hot today I saw some priests putting holy water into a Super Soaker. I am doing this entry before 'Big Brother' comes on, 'cause after that I am going to sleep. So, how was your week? You all know Albert Einstein? They now say he had as many as ten girlfriends. So I guess E equals more than mc squared. Think about that. That’s ten names. Ten phone numbers. Ten birthdays. You’d have to be a genius! Did you watch the All Star Game? The Mid Summer Classic. The American League won again, 3 to 2. Performance enhancing drugs are illegal in baseball, but why is ever commercial for Viagra? President Bush is heading the G8 Summit. He’s excited. He thinks it’s a conference on vegetable juice. This year the biggest problem will be keeping the leader of France from head-butting the leader of Italy. President Bush had a phone conversation with the astronauts on the space shuttle. The odd thing was that during the call President Bush was the only one wearing a space helmet. Russia launched an experimental inflatable satellite a few days ago. Here in America we call that a balloon. I’m sure you’ve heard by now Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest had the biggest movie opening in history. It’s the most popular movie that was originally based on a ride, well, since the Paris Hilton video. In fact, in China it’s the most pirated pirate movie of all time. The big story is, this past weekend, Superman got his ass kicked by a bunch of pirates! The new Pirates of the Caribbean movie made $132 million dollars in just three days. That is the most money anybody has made off a dead man’s chest since Anna Nicole Smith. Japan says they're now considering whether attacking North Korea’s missile sites would violate their constitution. Imagine that, government leaders worried about violating the constitution. There's something you don't see anymore. President Bush says we should be patient with North Korea and use diplomacy and not rush into any kind of military action. So you know what that means? No oil over there. President Bush told "People” magazine this week that he’s working on a solution for global warming. He says it will be ready in less than six months. It’s called winter. Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they are going to cremate him. Where he’s going, why bother? So, I sent my audition tape to 'The View'. It looks like Rush Limbaugh will not be charged with a crime after a bottle of illegally prescribed Viagra was found in his suitcase. Which I think is fair. As far as I’m concerned what happens in Rush’s pants stays in Rush’s pants. Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. Imagine that, Italians winning without using their hands. How hard is that? Do you know how hard that is for an Italian? Okay, let's get on with the blog.


Big Brother 7 arrived last week, and while previous seasons have taken a week or two for something significant to happen in the house, the all-star season began with drama right away. First, Julie Chen announced the four women and four men who had received the greatest number of votes; instead of selecting six candidates, America picked eight. Ooh, the juicy, mind-blowing twists have already begun!The audience votes for the women went to Janelle, Erika, Nakomis, and Diane. Thus, the producer’s choices was racist Alison and Danielle. For the men, the audience voted for Howie, Kaysar, James, and Jase. Thus, the producers cast dumbass Mike Boogie, Dr. Will, Marcellas and George. It’s kind of nice to know that the biggest assholes, for the most part, weren’t selected by America, and also kind of nice to know that, collectively, we have a very short-term memory; half of our picks were on the show last summer. The weird thing about the first episode was that nearly the entire cast seem to be loser has-beens except for those members of the Big Brother 6 cast, who we still feel comfortable with. So, my guess is that America is firmly behind James, Janelle, Kaysar, and Howie, and the rest of the cast is basically dispensable, particularly that twit Mike Boogie. And the other houseguests know it. “Did I just time warp into Big Brother 6?” Jase asked. All of the others are also ga-ga over the house, which despite its dictionary theme, appears to be the exact same house as last summer. Thus, the old-skool cast members keep saying things like, “In my day, the Big Brother house was just a double-wide trailer that smelled like dorm-room ass.” True to Big Brother form, the first HOH competition was impossibly lame, even despite a strong metaphor (being knocked off one’s pedestal). Although the set design was decent, knocking contestants off pedestals with a swinging meteor was way too easy, and Janelle and Jase didn’t really do much but stand there to win (although Jase did push the swinging meteor toward Marcellas, knocking him off). As spoilers revealed, the first HOH competition yielded two HOHs, Janelle and Jase, who “share the responsibility of nominating two people for eviction,” Julie Chen said, and who “will automatically lose their HOH privileges and become the nominees themselves” if they can’t agree on two nominees. That led to some immediate strategizing from Danielle, who thought she could use that rule to her advantage. Instead, along with Alison, she’s getting punished for being too openly competitive early in the game. Janelle and Jase agreed, and Alison and Danielle were the first two nominated for eviction. “You guys have the ability to turn people against us,” Janelle said. Alison was more annoyed than Danielle, and being the lunatic that she is, told us, “America might like Janelle; I hate her. I’m probably going to pull her out by her fake hair and her fake boobs and drown her in the pool. I don’t think she knows what she’s getting into. This is not the way I play Big Brother,” Alison said. Well, get used to losing, loser. And don’t think we’re going to muster up the strength it takes to hate your ass for a third reality series just because you threatened to kill America’s summertime reality crush. Inside the Big Brother 7 house, things seem to be moving at warp speed. It’s already time for the first veto ceremony, and tonight, one person will once again exit the house only to be greeted by the most awkward interviewer ever. This season’s second episode began with way too much time spent on Danielle and Alison trying to a) win favor with Jase and Janelle, b) lie about their role in the plan by blaming the other person, and c) cover their asses. Alison openly admitted that she “lies all over the place,” and said, “I definitely have to be nice.” Luckily, being a two-faced lying bitch is what Alison is best at. Meanwhile, Howie was either just being himself or strategically trying to creep Dr. Will out. And it was working. “Something wrong with that kid,” Will said, telling Howie, “I’ve never had a retarded friend.” Will did find that they have a shared interest: “Howie and I have one thing in common. We’re both attracted to me.” As Howie followed Will around, Will decided he’d ally himself with Howie, and thus the season six alliance. Dr. Will phrased that by saying that he planned to “ride [Howie] like Seabiscuit.” But it was Chicken George who did that, climbing on Howie to slide down the makeshift slip-and-slide the bored houseguests created in the backyard. “The very idea of George mounting Howie almost made me straight,” Marcellas said. “Gross.” When it was finally time for the veto competition, the houseguests learned that this year, those on the block or in the HOH position won’t select the non-nominated, non-HOH houseguests who compete; instead, those people are chosen at random. Janelle easily won the competition, which involved sorting through trash allegedly from all previous seasons that was spread out across the backyard. Not surprisingly, Janelle didn’t use the veto, and either Danielle or Alison will go home Thursday. Alison wasn’t happy even before the competition, calling Janelle “bitch” and “busto” (oh, Alison, you twit), telling us, “I will murder someone to get that veto.” Why haven’t they kicked her ass out yet? That’s death threat number two, counting the one that aired at the end of last week’s episode. Meanwhile, Dr. Will told us, “I’m here just to stir up the pot.” Damn, he and his pretend evilness are so five seasons ago. I’m actually kind of bored with everyone, and right now, I’m only really interested in watching Janelle, James, Howie, and Kaysar eliminate the rest of the house one by one. Since Janelle has now won two of the two competitions, and with James’ track record for winning competitions, that just may happen. While CBS tries to distract people with a roaming RV advertising The Amazing Race 10, the actual race was being spotted around the world. (If locations, tasks, and types of teams constitute spoilers, stop reading now or risk ruining your entire day and having to eat a pint of ice cream just to get over your disappointment.)First, Kandice Pelletier, last year’s Miss New York and a former Rockette, is a member of one of the teams. getting its start in Seattle on May 27 in Gas Works Park, the place where The Amazing Race 3 concluded. In Mauritius on June 12, five teams were spotted doing a detour on the beach, and one show fan managed to record a brief video of the first two teams arriving at the clue box. At that point, two all-female teams were spotted. Teams of racers were also seen in Kuwait back in early June. A few days later, on June 16, the race visited Finland, including the Olympic stadium in Helsinki and the city of Ylöjärvi. TARFlies Times forum participants have compiled all of the reported locations into one master list to try to map out the route; here’s a simplified, non-qualified version of their list: Seattle to Beijing, China, Beijing to Ulan Bator, Mongolia, Ulan Bator to Christchurch, New Zealand, Christchurch to Singapore, Singapore to Kuwait, Kuwait to Mombasa, Kenya,  Mombasa to Mauritius,  Mauritius to Parnu, Estonia, Parnu to Turku, Finland, Turku to ?, ? to Barcelona, Spain, Barcelona to finish.


When it comes to finding out whether or not you're being lied to, Gepetto had it easy. All it took was one look at Pinocchios's growing schnoz and he knew. Of course, most of us don't have it that easy but could sure benefit if we did. It seems that we're largely a nation of liars, with some estimates saying that most people lie to others one or twice a day, and in about 30 percent to 38 percent of our interactions in all. Why we lie varies. Around the age of 4 or 5, when we start telling lies, it's done not maliciously, but rather to gain awareness and use the power of language, says Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital. Later on, we lie to get things we want, for personal gain or to stay out of trouble. We tell "white lies" to protect other's feelings, and then there are the pathological liars among us, the people who feel compelled to lie no matter what. So, with liars all around us (don't lie -- we ALL lie at one point or another, even those "little white lies" count), it's imperative to know the signs that someone may be lying to you. Here are seven of the classic signs to watch out for ... No eye contact. Generally, if someone is lying they will not look you in the eye, at least during a certain part of the conversation. Normally, people make eye contact for at least half of a conversation, so anything less than this could be suspicious. One caveat: there are some people who will take great pains to make eye contact with you even if they're lying, simply to make you think they're not. Change in voice. A change in the pitch of a person's tone, or a lot of stammering (umm, ah), or throat clearing could indicate a lie. Unusual body language. If a person taps their foot a lot, fidgets with their hands, raises their shoulders, turns away from you or brings their hand to their face (to touch their chin or nose, etc.) -- in other words, if they act nervous or uncomfortable -- it could mean they're telling a lie. Also watch out for blushing (or becoming pale) and increased blinking. Something sounds fishy. Making statements that contradict each other, are inconsistent or don't sound quite right are usually part of a lie. Overly defensive. Sometimes when a person is lying they will become extremely defensive, refusing to answer any questions and even accusing you of lying. This may mean they have something to hide. Changes subject easily. If someone is lying and you change the subject, chances are high that they'll go right along with it. A person telling the truth, however, will likely ask why you changed the subject and want to go back to it. Humor or sarcasm. A guilty person will often try to change the subject using humor or sarcasm. Of course, no one behavior can tell for sure whether or not someone is telling the truth or lying. While you should trust your instinct, if you're not sure it's best to try to get some evidence to back up your accusation. Rather than relying on a specific behavior, catching a liar in the act is best done by watching their normal behaviors. When those behaviors suddenly change, that's when a lie has likely been told.



Red Buttons, an impish redheaded comic whose career included vaudeville, an Oscar-winning dramatic role and guest spots on The Cosby Show and Roseanne, died Thursday of vascular disease at his home in the Century City area of Los Angeles, according to publicist Warren Cowan. He was 87. Buttons had been ill for some time, and was with family members when he died, Cowan told the Associated Press. Born Aaron Chwatt and raised in the Bronx, Buttons got his nickname when he was a young singing waiter whose uniform had a lot of buttons on it. "Red" referred to his carrot top.
In 1952, after a long and successful career as a Borscht Belt comic (Buttons's musical theme was "The Ho-Ho Song," to which he danced on one leg), he starred in TV's The Red Buttons Show. The high point of his career came with the 1957 film adaptation of the James Michener World War II novel, Sayonara, starring Marlon Brando.
Buttons played Airman Joe Kelly, an American who marries a Japanese woman (Miyoshi Umeki). Both characters commit suicide rather than continue to endure the prejudice they encountered. Buttons won the Supporting Actor Oscar for the role – and went on to become highly visible in movies for the next 20 years and on TV nearly until his death. Other movies included The Big Circus, Hatari! The Longest Day, They Shoot Horses, Don't They? The Poseidon Adventure and Pete's Dragon. He also appeared on TV shows such as The Cosby Show, Roseanne and Dennis Miller Live.
In 1964, Buttons married his third wife, Alicia, with whom he had two children. Alicia Buttons died in 2001.


Last week's answer was sex toy: royal balls. What is this week's?



Okay, you're gonna be shocked as shit, but I don't have much movie news this week. Logan and I did see the Pirates movie (he saw it twice, first with me and then with Jen). Capt. Jack Sparrow is back to get himself out of a blood debt he owes to Davy Jones, one he has to pay for with his soul. Then there's the romance between Bloom and Knightley, which is just … you know … whatever. You don't really care. You just want more sword-fighting and skeletons and Nighy as Jones with his beard of tentacles. The first one was kind of boring, honestly. Depp and the cool army of skeletons kept it from feeling like a chore, but beyond that, it just felt empty and looooong. So they really stepped up their game for this one. It's still empty, but it moves faster from one cool action sequence to the next; the go-nowhere romance plot line is on the back burner, replaced by sea monsters and murderous islanders and an insane swordfight on a runaway mill wheel. Did I mention the beard of tentacles? Again with the two-and-a-half-hour movie, just like Superman Returns. The good news is that, unlike the first one, you won't feel it. Totally passes the butt-shifting-in-seat test. And I didn't want it to end. Rich Heinrichs is the guy responsible for how awesome it all looks. He's the guy who did Sleepy Hollow and got an Oscar for it. Keith Richards supposed to be playing Depp's father in the next one. You have to wait about a year for it. Meanwhile, on an unrelated note, how pissed off is Eddie Murphy that his Disneyland ride–turned–movie tanked while this one is almost Lord of the Rings big? I was just wondering about that is all. I give this movie a 10, while Jen gave it a 6. She liked the first one better, said there wasn't enough of Captain Jack, she hated the 'aliens', which is what she called Jones's crew, and wanted a damned wedding. Logan yelled out in the middle of the movie when he saw it with me, "Is that the girl you think is hot?" about Keira Knightley, who I do think is hot. After the Transformers trailer he said out loud, "Where are the Transformers?" Anyway, hopefully I will get some news during the week. For now, I will leave you with a random pic. Check the webshots page for new pictures as well, and remember...spread the word and not the turd.

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Thursday, July 6, 2006

Yo Ho, Yo Ho!

Ay, swabbies. Welcome to another Peverett Phile. Tomorrow Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest comes out. I was thinking, if they really wanted me to see it they should of called it Pirates of the Caribbean: Keira Knightley's Chest. And who said Disney wasn't into piracy? You can't walk anywhere at Disney World without seeing skull and crossbones. Well, big news from the Hubble telescope. Last Friday astronomers say it has pictures of a star self destructing. But enough about Star Jones. More problems today for the "View”. Did you see what happened? To which most guys said, "Finally, now I can watch the show.” So, President Bush took Japanese’s Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum. To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He’s had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives. The senate has held hearings on President Bush’s use of "signing statements”. Do you know what that is? It’s a proclamation which lets the president sign a bill and limit what parts apply to him. The Democrats are acting like this is something new. It’s not. It’s the same thing Bill Clinton used when he signed his marriage license. A prominent polish politician in Poland, escaped a drunk driving arrest after he told the police he was only using vodka as a mouthwash. And today, Patrick Kennedy said, "That’s what happened to me." According to the "New York Post”, Michael Jackson announced that he may be moving to Paris. Well you thought the French hated us before. They’ll probably think he is one of those mimes.


Give your loved ones a kiss and a hug, fill your pets’ bowls with water and food, and say goodbye to your summer: Big Brother 7 debuted tonight at 8 p.m. ET on CBS, and many people won’t see the light of day until it ends in about three months. Thanks to the super-obsessive freaks who are already monitoring the offline video feeds from inside the house, we already know the identities of the 14 all-star houseguests, six of whom were selected by viewers. On tonight’s pre-taped show, Julie Chen will send them into the house, and the other six will go home with only their delusions of fame. The series will air every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday at 8, a slightly different schedule this year. And, of course, there are the live feeds, available with a RealNetworks subscription, which this year comes with “blogs, chats, message boards, polls and other interactive features,” according to a press release, ensuring that you’ll never leave your computer. The best and worst thing about Big Brother is that, sometime during the next three months, some crazy shit is going to go down, and missing one minute means missing everything. And try as you might, no non-watcher will understand you when you babble excitedly about the incident where someone got plastered with NyQuil, molested an electric toothbrush and used a knife with their flirtations, all while a crazy diminutive cult leader crazy gets thrown out of the house and then burned by America. It’s time for the insanity to begin.


I used to love to play Scrabble with my grandparents. And I was thinking, I had some really, really bad Scrabble hands in the past. Here are a few you don't want to end up with: Y Y M Q I I A, U U I A I U I, Q U U M W R Z, L E E E A A R. If I think of more I will post them in the next blog.


A TOP classical violinist killed himself by severing every vein and artery in his neck as he attempted to cut off his head with an electric circular saw. Divorced alcoholic Laurence Rowden-Martin, 48, was found in his blood-soaked bath after being seen drunkenly taking the tool into his Sheffield flat. An inquest heard police halted a murder probe after learning he'd suffered mental problems since a nerve condition ended his career. Verdict: Suicide.


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet up. The bear says, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear." The lion says, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me." "Big deal!'' says the chicken. "All I have to do is cough, and the entire planet craps itself."

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the most commonly heard redneck defense in court? A: "Honest, your honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A: Shoot him again.



Note the third option: "Unlimited toppings"! Wow! Except that right under it, in parentheses, it says "Maximum five toppings per pizza." That's not so unlimited.


This is the answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy.


Now, what is this weeks?



water trap see for yourself. Very funny!
John Hiatt - Austin City Limits John Hiatt on Austin City Limits. To see more check out (John Hiatt is one of my all-time favorite singers)


Spider-Man 3: I haven't read this list of spoilers. Supposedly, it's pretty much the whole damn plot, beat by beat, including the mystery villain cameo in the last scene. I won't read it. I can't. It'd be wrong to walk into the best movie of 2007 already knowing the beginning, middle and end, right? Must. Not. Click …
Transformers: The ridiculous teaser takes place on Mars and has a theme song that sounds like a B-side from a Damn Yankees album. But Michael Bay's blog says that "none of the Mars story, launch footage and rover footage is going to be in the movie." Huh?
Wolverine: A script review details the evolution of Wolverine from moody adolescent — there's a great scene in which 12-year-old Logan kicks the crap out of some high-school football jocks — to adamantium-clad Weapon X rage-aholic.

Hulk 2: The last time we saw Dr. Banner, he was hiding out in the Latin American rainforest. So, in a way, it makes sense that the leading candidate to replace Erica Bana is George of the Jungle.
Clerks 2: The trailer's rated R for "mature" content — you know, like goin' all the way with donkeys and pontificating about the sex lives of hobbits.
Casino Royale: Twenty minutes were screened at the Cinema Expo in Amsterdam. Guess it makes sense to generate buzz by testing a clip in front of a bunch of stoners. The only potential danger: employees at the snack counter trampled by munchies-plagued fans who absolutely must have nachos right now.
Zoom: A Cliff's Notes version of the trailer: Take the remedial students at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters — like, say, a kid whose superpower is inflating his butt — and throw them into the plot of Armageddon.
Superman Returns has already been in theaters for a week, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest will join it tomorrow, so of course there's only one thing on the suits' minds: How can we make money from those guys next?! Returns director Bryan Singer says he's heard the rumblings about a Superman vs. Batman finally getting under way, though he argues that the Man of Steel needs a few more solos under his belt first. But he did admit that, if such a match-up were to happen, it would be the Dark Knight who would be the baddie. Regardless, Singer says he's pretty sure there'll be another Superman. "Everybody's excited to do more." … Meanwhile, with the only question surrounding Pirates 2 dealing with by just how large of a margin the Johnny Depp adventure will rule this weekend's box office, the star is talking about his next big thing, which likely will be a reteaming with Edward Scissorhands director Tim Burton for a movie version of the Broadway hit Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. "I sure hope it happens," Depp told MTV News, "because, God — just to go back to work for Tim again, it'd be our sixth movie together. It's looking very good."
And now, the review of Superman Returns. Are you trying to tell me that Margot Kidder was so busy that they couldn't get her to show up as Lois Lane's mom or something? And that's really my only beef. Because I loved this movie. Not in the gay way or anything. Because Superman's not gay, as gay director Bryan Singer has gone on record as saying. Good thing we've cleared up that burning international issue.  Summer movie audiences' expectations have been moron-ed to infinity and beyond by Hollywood. They now assume films will be pure sensation without humanity and actually get upset when it's not on the menu. Well, dig it, dumb people. This is a Superman movie that gives you its biggest bang early in the film. Not that the rest is boring. It's just that this isn't about "Look what Superman can do!" It's got all the heart and soul that's been missing from every other superhero movie that isn't about the X-Men. Kevin Spacey's maniacally mean Lex Luthor was brilliant. He made the movie, and I could tell in some scenes he was impersonating Gene Hackman playing Lex Luthor. Parker Posey as his sidekick Kitty is very, very Parker Posey-ish (and that's awesome), and Eva Marie Saint, in her small role as Mrs. Kent, is sweet and sad. Brandon Routh makes a very decent cape guy, and only Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane seems slightly less than sturdy. But not by much. If you're a Man of Steel–obsessed person, you'll be pleased to know that certain things that only you will get have been included. For example, watch forthe re-creation of the cover of Action Comics No. 1. The opening credits will make fans of the 1978 movie very happy. And watch for cameos by Noel Neill and Jack Larson (from the '50s TV show; they were Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, respectively). See what I mean about the lack of Margot Kidder?  There's a horrifying plane-in-peril scene that will make you wet your pants. I only say this because I'm one of you, and for a few seconds, it thought I was watching United 93. Then, when that part's over, you'll be like, "Where are the snakes?" From 1 to 10, I give it a 9. Logan did go see it with me and he loved it. He said "whoa" when the young Clark Kent was jumping into the sky and the first time at the movies, he turned to me and said, "I want to see this again."
Well, there you go, another Phile. Check out the webshots page at I posted pictures from Logan and my trip to Epcot last Friday. This weekend I don't know what we're doing, but seeing Pirates is on the list. Remember, spread the word and not the turd. I will leave you with a random pic. Savvy?
Click for a random picture!